Let’s face it, every workplace interaction, whether you’re closing a deal, navigating conflict, or simply asking for help, is a negotiation. You may not be talking down a bank robber, but your success often hinges on your ability to influence others. And if Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss teaches us anything, it’s that negotiation isn’t about compromise, it’s about connection.
Whether you’re managing people, resolving workplace tension, discussing salaries, or convincing your team not to panic during yet another system crash, you’re negotiating. The first thing you need to know is that every leader is a negotiator, and this applies to the boardroom, staff meetings, performance reviews, and yes, even that passive-aggressive group chat. And while your life may not literally depend on it, your success, influence, and sanity very well might.
You don’t need to wear a wire or carry a badge. You just need to show up with the right mindset, the right questions, and the right pause at the right time.
So, here it is, a leadership lens on hard-won negotiation tactics, and how to apply them without sounding like you’re auditioning for CSI.
Tactical Empathy: Listen Like a Pro (Not a Parrot)
There’s listening, and then there’s Voss-level listening. Not the “I’m waiting for my turn to speak” variety, but the kind where the other person feels genuinely heard. That’s tactical empathy, understanding their emotions and worldview without judgment or interruption.
In a team setting, this could be as simple as saying: “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated about the new system rollout.” Notice what I didn’t say? “Calm down.” Nobody in history has ever calmed down because someone told them to. Empathetic listening builds trust. And in leadership, trust buys you the benefit of the doubt and the willingness to follow your lead even when things get tough.
Build Rapport Before You Make the Ask
Negotiation isn’t about power plays; it’s about connection. Voss calls this the most overlooked skill in negotiation. As a leader, you already have authority. What you want is influence. And that starts with rapport. Ask personal questions. Remember names. Acknowledge effort. Make people feel seen. Because here’s the truth, people are far more likely to hear you out if they feel you’ve taken the time to hear them first.
Your next negotiation begins with “How are you, really?” Not with “Let’s cut to the chase.”
Mirror, Label, Pause – Repeat
One of Voss’s secret weapons? Mirroring, repeating the last few words your counterpart said to encourage them to elaborate. Simple, right? Employee says: “I just don’t see the point in the new system.” You reply: “You don’t see the point?” Then… silence. They’ll almost always keep talking and give you what you need to work with.
Follow that with labelling: “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed.” “It seems like this change caught you off guard.” Why does this work? Because it helps people feel acknowledged, not managed.
Never Be Afraid of “No”
We’ve been conditioned to chase “Yes.” Voss flips that idea on its head. Sometimes, getting a “No” is the beginning of real dialogue. It makes people feel safe, in control, and more honest.
So, instead of asking: “Can we implement this by Friday?” Try: “Would it be unreasonable to aim for Friday?” It’s subtle. But “No” gives you more leverage than a reluctant “Yes” ever will.
Use the CALM Framework When Conversations Get Tense
This acronym should be in every leader’s toolkit:
Clarify – “Help me understand what you mean.”
Agree – “We both want this to work.”
Listen – Actually, stop talking. Pay attention to tone, pace, and posture.
Mirror – “It sounds like…”
Simple, yes. But when used correctly, CALM doesn’t just defuse tension, it transforms it.
Go Deeper with the “5 Whys”
Surface issues are rarely the real issues. That project delay? It’s not about the timeline. It’s about fear of failure, lack of clarity, or misalignment on priorities. Asking “Why?” five times (respectfully!) helps uncover the real blockage and solve the right problem.
Think of yourself as a workplace detective. You’re not here to point fingers. You’re here to get to the root and resolve it.
Master the Strategic Use of Silence
Here’s your power move: Say less. After you ask a tough question, stop. Let the silence do the heavy lifting. Most people will rush to fill it, and they’ll often reveal something important. Or agree to something they were initially hesitant about.
Silence isn’t awkward, it’s influence.
Be Creative – This Isn’t a Scripted Play
Negotiation is part theatre, part jazz. It’s improvised. There’s no universal script, but there is a mindset: curiosity, creativity, and calm under pressure.
If the first approach doesn’t work, try a second. If the door is closed, check for a window. Be flexible, persistent, and, above all, human.
Be Willing to Walk Away (Even If It’s Hard)
Voss is clear: “No deal is better than a bad deal.” In leadership, this translates to knowing your non-negotiables, your values, your boundaries, and your standards. If an agreement compromises the integrity of your culture or team? Walk away. Short-term discomfort is better than long-term damage.
Trust Your Gut, but Temper It with Strategy
Gut instinct is real. But it’s most reliable when paired with deep listening, real data, and the wisdom to pause before reacting.
If something feels “off,” investigate. Ask more questions. Use your tools. And if it still feels wrong? Step back. Your intuition is often your most experienced negotiator.
Leadership Is Negotiation
You don’t need FBI credentials to master the art of negotiation. You just need self-awareness, empathy, and the willingness to slow down long enough to really listen. So next time you’re leading a tough conversation, remember, you’re not there to win. You’re there to understand, influence, and connect.
The real power? It’s not in splitting the difference. It’s in knowing when to walk away, when to lean in, and when to say nothing at all.
Article By Carl Ranger
Head of Training at Consolidated Employers Organisation (CEO SA)